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Police across six continents are currently on the lookout for a band of desperate musicians known as the Bail jumpers. 
These men are wanted for various offences against music, sheep worrying and stealing wigs from washing lines in Shaldon.

They are :-

Mr Dan Gleebits (Rockdog guitar player from Cover’d and solo performances), safe cracker, sheep worrier and brazillian shaving artist.

~o-O-o~

Robbie the Rent boy (bass player /vocalist from Dissonance) bass guitar and resident poof.

~o-O-o~

Johnny Stink Finger (ex Goliath and El-Cojones currently playing with a Right Said Fred tribute group called Juice) drums, wife’s tanning lotion (please ask) and convicted clothes line commando.

~o-O-o~

Slippery Dick Scratcher (singer, sex god, living legend, male model, international playboy and big time bullshitter) vocals, tambourine, jemmba drum and triangle

~o-O-o~

Should you be in the vicinity of any of their gigs and encounter these desperate individuals, move to another venue for your own safety and inform your local music police

Azza

Dan Gleebits

Johnny & Robbie

~ NEWS FLASH ~

It has been decided by the other members of the Bailjumpers to give our guitarist Mr Dan Gleebits some time off to prepare of his wedding next year.

 Those of you who follow the exploits of the Bailjumpers would be aware both Dan and Dick are the only bona-fide heterosexual males in the band (although Johnny Stinkfinger claims he is, rumours from Tiverton continue to confirm he has shown no interest in his sister) and discussions have taken place regarding Dan’s outfit for the happy day.

 Fashion experts attending a recent Bailjumpers’ gig have asked serious questions, such as: Does Dan get paid; is he loaded then, as he doesn’t seem to spend money on clothes; and pub landlords have asked ‘can you ask him not to stand outside the pub people are walking straight past as they think it’s a picket line?’

 The captain and crew of the converted trawler they call home (see previous blogs) have generously donated a £5.75p voucher for the famous gentlemen’s outfitters ‘the Farmers Friend,’ whilst the other band members passed the hat round and collected 47p. a comb, 2 hairclips and a small tub of Vaseline.

 Armed with these generous donations and some serious advice from Dick Scratcher (model, sex symbol, fashion icon and long time image consultant to Johnny Vegas), Dan will be taking a week off in July to attend to his image.

 In turn this leaves the band short of a guitarist for a gig in Teignmouth.

 Discussions for a possible stand-in were discussed and with great enthusiasm, it was decided to ask Seamore Bush to return for a gig.

 Seamore the bands former guitarist has recently become single and as a born again fanny rat gladly accepted the invitation to come and play in the vain hope he may well pull.

 In an effort to accommodate Seamore’s aspirations dick kindly has taken him under his wing and gifted upon him some of his classic chat up lines.

 Ladies please be aware should you be accosted in the Newquay Inn by a man with a twinkle in his eye and a star trek badge who might say ‘you don’t sweat much for a fat bird’ please don’t have your husband/big brother  beat him up till after the gig.

 The Bailjumpers play the Newquay Inn Teignmouth July 23^rd

PREVIOUS BLOG (19.01.10)

The new boy!

As you know Phil Smyth is the new guitar player (see below)

AKA Mr Dan Gleebits (guitarist, singer, safe cracker and sensible one in the band) (Oh yeah - who says?)
is currently being hunted by the police in connection with
various offences including riding a bicycle without lights, letting off fireworks after 11.30pm and pinching his brother’s sweets (oooh scoundrel ! Should fit in well then)

PREVIOUS BLOG (22.11.09)

Good News

New Sponsorship deal/Johnny stinkfingers rash

The Bailjumpers in conjunction with Shag Nasty Promotions are pleased to announce their latest sponsorship deal.

In a deal signed late last evening the bail jumpers main sponsor for the next 2 years will be ‘Canesten cream ointment’ (this coming just in the nick of time as events are unfolding).

The band, due to there unique status of being on the run and outside of the law, called a meeting on their converted trawler, with there management company ’Shag Nasty Promotions’, to decide on a sponsorship deal as an ideal way the raise funds between gigs.

At the meeting several ideas were floated for endorsement by the band, ‘Durex’ Dick said we could have a Bailjumpers branded run of condoms carrying the legend ‘This insertion is bought to you by the Bailjumpers rock and blues band from the UK leg of their 2009 world tour, all the best from the lads’ and the names of all the towns they played in listed below.

The band’s roadie ‘Chopper’ chipped in at this point and said you will never get all that on a condom and be able to read it!’ you speak for yourself’, said Dick ‘I don’t have that problem’.

Seamore Bush, the band’s hypochondriac guitar player said ‘well there is a new Star Trek film out’ and was quickly locked in the shithouse for the rest of the meeting.

Robbie the rent boy (still grieving the death of Steven Gatley) said ‘I could talk to Gay News’, a vote was taken at this point and it was agreed that Robbie would have all thinking privileges removed from this point.

Chopper looked up and said ‘has anyone here heard of ‘Tampax’? I could jump on a jumbo visit Johnson and Johnson and pull a few strings!.

It was Johnny who suggested Canesten Cream (all will be revealed) and both the band and the management company agreed.

An approach was made and a deal struck the company turned up the next morning with clothing and samples that suddenly disappeared along with Johnny.

Disturbed by this, ‘Chopper’ with the band in hot pursuit, kicked down the door of the trawler bog to find Johnny liberally coating his nether regions with the world famous ointment. Having no doctor on board and being somewhat of an expert in men’s genitalia Robbie dived in for a quick examination. Advise for remedies for the mystery ailment (currently it is not thought to be sexually transmitted as Johnny has a face like a welders bench) were sought via the ship to shore radio.

Give him 3 packets of strong laxatives said ‘Mike Hunt ‘ the Captain of the Starcross ferry, it will make him shit so bad he won’t have time to itch.

‘Send him over to me’ said Claude the owner of a Teignmouth sailor’s club known locally as the Rusty Sheriff’s badge “he needs some TLC and we know all about seamen” he quipped.  A Local Dawlish blacksmith has offered the use of his extensive wire brush collection.

It was decided to isolate Johnny to the wheelhouse until doctor John Thomas (see previous blogs) of Torquay VD clinic would be able to visit along with the crew of Teignmouth lifeboat whom the band bribe to bring the supplies.

Those of you coming to the pre-incarceration piss up at the Kings Exeter on the 10^th of December please give Johnny a wide berth and don’t pinch his cream.