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The Res–ERECTION of Rusty Gash (02/09/2011)
A miracle has happened in the form of the res-Erection of rusty gash the Bailjumpers latex roadie.
Those of you who follow the exploits of this band of Rogues will remember Rusty was last seen floating out to sea following a mad knee trembler with a bloke called Shorty during a Bailjumpers boat cruise.
Johnny Stinkfinger the Bailjumpers half Navaho Red Indian half Tiverton dustcart driver drummer was devastated.
It was well known that Johnny and Rusty were ‘an item’ despite the fact that Rusty was not related to Johnny, irrespective of no family connection, their love for each other was refreshing (but downright crude).
The loss of Rusty has turned Johnny into something of a recluse rarely leaving the converted trawler The Bailjumpers call home, this bad news coupled with being the chief suspect in the Bickleigh flasher case had made life for Johnny very sad.
On one of his rare trips ashore Johnny was drowning his sorrows in a well know Teignmouth pub known affectionately as ‘ The Queens Legs ‘ (as its always open), when behind the pipe in the gents bog he came across a dog eared copy of H&E this led to a decision that would make his life considerably more affable .
Whilst Johnny was sitting quietly contemplating life in the gent’s reliving himself of a tortoise vindaloo and the previous night’s skin full of scrumpy he read about wonderful world of naturalism from this publication that unfortunately was missing all but the shiniest of pages due to the pub landlord’s austerity measures.
Seeking compassionate leave Johnny set off by bus for Budleigh Salterton nudest beach, here he was welcomed and straight away thought he recognised someone, ’is that Dick Brown‘ he asked a heavily tattooed woman ‘he should be’ she said ‘he’s been here every day for a fortnight‘.
Johnny soon made lots of friends on the nudist beach and apart from a nasty incident on the local sports day when he was dragged 40 yards in a relay race, had a really nice time.
One day whilst Johnny was lazily laying in the surf, he heard a sound very much like a last gasp fart, opening one eye he saw in the waves something floating just beyond the waveline, being a good swimmer and having seen every episode of Baywatch (a programme he claimed that always gave his a stiff wrist) Johnny dived in.
He swam out to find what he thought was a goat in distress (saving goats is a Tiverton pastime) where he was astounded to find Rusty Gash the Bailjumpers’ latex Groupie and his love interest, cold exhausted but still horny.
Johnny slowly dragged Rusty back to shore where he performed, mouth-to-mouth, CPR and a 69 and gently coaxed Rusty back to life.
After several weeks of convalescence (and while Johnny was receiving his annual VIP check up at Torquay VD Clinic) rusty felt well enough to put in an appearance at a gig this weekend but turned up at the wrong venue where Shovelhead were performing.
Although made very welcome people were shocked by the fact that she appears to be heavily pregnant.
This caused a very heated debate within Shovelhead “ you can’t get a inflatable woman pregnant” said Fagin (on loan from the Bailjumpers for the day ) “of course you can“ said Slippery Dick “ where do you think wheel clampers come from?”.
Rusty went down three times that afternoon (clearly not match fit yet) and the debate is now raging “who’s the daddy?”
Who could it be?
Johnny Stinkfinger? (clearly a must be favourite).
Shorty? (Rumour has it he didn’t shoot his bolt before Rusty farted and flew off the back off the boat).
Fagin? (can’t afford the Viagra)
Robbie the rent boy? (POOF no chance)
Dick Scratcher, international playboy, stud, sex god and Saltash muff diving champion 1985?.
BEV TOOTELL We all know she’s really a bloke
Or Seamore Bush hmmmmmmm There’s a dilemma Seamore was MIA at the annual general meeting of the St Thomas and district bicycle seat saddle sniffers association in March and his absence was never explained, could he be the one?
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